As usual, magkkwento nanaman ako... Hahaha...
I finished reading "Power For Living" kagabi. Libre siya kasama ng shoulder bag sa MV Doulos for every purchase of two books. The book was all about improving your personal relationship with the Lord. Imagine, last year pa ata siyang nakatambay sa head board namin and last weekend ko lang siyang napagtripang basahin. Kahit nga ako, hindi rin ako masyadong makapaniwala ngayon sa mga nangyayari sa akin eh. Sa isang iglap, unti-unti akong nagbabago, simula nung nakilala ko si Ate Yeng... yung missionary sa Y.F.J. (Young Flames for Jesus).
So ayun nga... After reading the last few chapters kagabi (Sunday night), nagdasal ako ng konti, then napag-tripan ko ring buklatin ang Bible kong tila inaalikabok na dahil wala man lang pumapansin. Ewan ko nga eh. I just felt the need to read God's word that night. Pagkabuklat ko ng Bible, una kong nabasa is yung "The Beatitudes"... (Luke 5:20-26).
Medyo hindi ako interested so I continue reading...
"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. And just as you want people to treat you, treat them in the same way."
"And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, in order to receive back the same amount."
"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men... Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. And do not judge and you will not be judge, do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return."
O ha?! Sobrang nagulat ako sa nabasa ko... Napagod ba kayo sa sermon? Pero hindi pa dyan nagtatapos ang lahat. Dahil inisip kong coincidence lang yung nabasa ko, nagbasa basa ako pabalik... Heto ang nabasa ko:
Matthew 5:43-48
"You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love the one who loves you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore, you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect"
Because it was the second time around, I don't think it's still a coincidence. Yun talaga ang message sa akin ni Lord. After reading it, I paused for a moment and naisip ko kaagad yung mga taong nakaalitan ko at hindi kapalagayan ng loob...
Gosh! Ang hirap kaya nun... Ako pa naman yung tipo ng tao na mataas talaga ang pride. Oo, madali ako magpatawad. Pero kapag naramdaman kong sobra ka na, talagang hindi ka na makakaulit pa sa akin... Pag ako naman yung may kasalanan sa iba, ako pa itong nagmamatigas. Ayoko kasing sungitan pa ako kapag nag-sorry ako. Gusto ko automatic na forgiven kaagad ako. Hahaha. :)
Ang akin lang naman kasi, hindi naman kasi ako Diyos eh... Hindi ako sobrang bait na tulad Niya na ganun nalang kadali sa akin ang magpatawad. May pride naman kasi lahat ng tao eh... Isa pa, AYOKO MAGPATAWAD DAHIL LANG KAILANGAN MAGPATAWAD... Gets niyo ko?! Ang pangit naman kasi na magpapatawad ka pero deep inside, nandun parin yung hurt 'di ba?!
Time Heals... Pero yung kaaway ko na yun, two years na kaming hindi nagpapansinan. Sobrang tiwala talaga kasi ako sa kanya before and I didn't expect talaga na sisirain niya yung tiwala ko sa kanya... Sobrang hirap akong magtiwala, kaya hindi rin ganun kadali sa akin ang patawarin nalang siyang basta...
To forgive is to forget... Ang tagal bago niya nakuha yung tiwala ko... Ang tagal kong binigay sa kanya yung tiwala ko... Sobrang mahalaga sa akin ang TRUST kaya mahirap para sa akin yung kalimutan nalang basta yung ginawa niya...
Forgiveness and Trust are totally different... Hindi daw ibig sabihin na kapag pinatawad mo yung isang tao, pinagkakatiwalaan mo na siya. Kung gusto niyang pagkatiwalaan ulit siya, kailangan niyang patunayan na he's worthy of that trust. Pero, I want it this way... kailangan niyang patunayan na he deserves to be forgiven. Hahaha... :) Seriously, hanggang ngayon hindi ko makalimutan yung ginawa niya. Hindi maganda yung ginawa niya kaya he should prove to me that he should be forgiven.
Kung ako siguro yung nagkasala sa ibang tao, lalo na kapag mahalaga sa akin yung taong yun, okay lang sa akin kahit na kulitin ko pa siya many times, mapatawad lang niya ako... Ganun din ineexpect ko sa kanya...
Pero naisip ko rin... Ako rin ang nahihirapan eh... Hindi 'at peace' ang kalooban ko dahil doon... Feeling ko naman, wala siyang pakealam sa akin eh. Tapos ako, super affected sa issue... Parang ako parin ang TALO. (Unfair noh?!) Siguro nga, its time na to forgive him... Matagal tagal narin... Hello Mela, wag kang magtanim ng galit, nakakasira sa beauty!!! :)
Si Lord ang nag-command sa akin eh. Malakas Siya sa akin eh!!! Basta Lord, bigyan niyo lang po ako ng konting time. Ihahanda ko sarili ko para sa gusto niyong mangyari... :)